SMILE . . .You're on Candid Camera

Well, they never showed up. It was all for real real real folks, and I think it is mostly over now. Acutally, much much earlier than I expected. (I am posting this from home instead of via Blackberry from the courtroom, which is what I expected to be doing right now.)

So to get the ENTIRE story, and since you asked for it:

I'll take you back to August 25 at 9 am. I was coming home from taking Erin to school. I was less than a block from my house when I heard the blip blip of a police car behind me, and looked in my rear view mirrror to see the blue and red lights flashing. DAMN IT!! I reached in the glove compartment and got out my insurance card, but knew it was pointless to get my registration out becuase - you got it - EXPIRED.

Police Officer came to the window, asked for what I knew he needed and made sure I knew my tags were expired. He also told me I ran a stop sign two blocks ago, but that he had decided to stop me when he saw my tags. (I had stopped at the stop sign between here and there, but for those two blocks I guess he had been behind me and I just didn't know it.) After the eternity it takes for a police officer to come back from his car when you are pulled over in your neighborhood and your three year old is in the back seat saying, "Why aren't we going Mommy?", he came back to my window and said, "Your insurance is expired too." He showed me the card I had given him, which was an old card. I looked in the glove compartment again, realizing that I had given him the wrong card, and handed him the current card. He said, "Well, I can't take this out of the computer now." And here is the important part of this part of the story. He continued, "Just get your tags renewed and it will all be taken care of. I am not writing you a ticket." Uh-huh.

The next morning, Jillian and I took Erin to school and proceeded to the County Clerk's office, where we renewed the tags on both our cars. This, in my mind, took care of it. The end.

Sometime around Sept. 25, I received a letter dated Sept. 17 from the Driver's License Division saying they had been notified that I had not taken care of a traffic violation, and that if I didn't take care of it within 30 days of the date of the letter my license would be revoked. The letter included an address where to send my fine, with a place where I assume my fine was to be listed. However, there was no fine listed. (ie - I had no fine.) There was also a phone number listed. So I called the number. After trying all the options (which, of course, never resulted in a human being) I chose the operator. But in order to talk to the operator, you must be an attorney or agent of the state (or something like that) and the phone system knew by my phone number that I was not. It would not let me complete my phone call and I was disconnected. After that happened three times it became apparent that I would have to drive to the courthouse and figure out how to avoid having my license revoked. I put this on my list of things to do before Oct. 17.

Meanwhile . . .Chance School does not have busses, and parents drive on all the field trips. If you are interested in driving on a field trip, you have to complete a criminal background check. Whatever results Chance gets back you also get back to your home address. Friday morning Oct. 3 I received my records check back (the same records that Erin's school received.) Would you like to know what it said?

In bold type, all caps: FUGITIVE I had a bench warrant out for my arrest! My bail was listed as $1,000 cash. This was all printed right there in front of me. I immediately went to the courthouse, totally blown away by the whole situation!!

The people at the courthouse said that I had missed a court date for the citation I had recieved (HUH?!) and, although I had my insurance card and registration right there with me, they could not accept that there. I had to re-docket my court case. The woman at the window said, "Would you like Monday or Tuesday?" Both girls are in school on Tuesdays so I automatically said Tuesday. Invisioning having to do this five different times, I asked her what I was going to need that day. She said to bring my registration and insurance card. She added, "But sometimes the judge wants a letter from the insurance company saying you had insurance on that day. It's up to the judge." Okay . . .I asked how to get this all of my record and she gave me a wishy-washy answer, then gave me a peice of paper with my court date on it and said, "Now, there is a warrant out for your arrest. Are you sure you can't come on Monday?" What?!?!?! She was looking at me like, honey you better get in here right away 'cause they're coming to get you. So I said, "Sure I'll come Monday." Then she said, "Now you keep this peice of paper with you all the time because if you get pulled over they can arrest you right there. At least this shows you're taking care of it, but they can still take you." HOLY CRAP!!

As I left the courthouse I realized I better get that letter from the insurance agent before Monday morning because I sure wasn't going to do this again. So I went directly to the insurance agent's office. I told her I needed a letter that stated I had insurance on Aug. 25, and she said, "OH, you got pulled over!" I explained the entire situation to her, excpet I left out the whole bench warrant part. She told me that police officers can take things out of their computers, but they are usually unwilling to do that because it requires them to write a five page report on why they had to delete something. Interesting.
As she was typing my letter, she said, "Just the other day we had a guy come in here who thought he just had to take his registration in. Then he got pulled over for only having one headlight and he found out they had a warrant out for him. They arrested him right there and he spent a night in jail!!" I cluthced my folder full of papers, including my own bench warrant, and innocently said, "Oh my, I can't believe that. It would be awful to find out you ahd a warrant out that way. That's just crazy." My eyes were as big as saucers.

I left with my letter and drove home, praying to God that I did not get pulled over and that no one hit me. I decided I could not drive anywhere until my court date Monday morning, and that would keep me safe. That was Friday afternoon.

Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. I had taken a late shower, and was in the bedroom still in a towel. Mark was in the front room on the computer. He yelled back to me, "There's a police officer walking up the driveway." Now for the past 36 hours there had been much joking and teasing among Tablers about fugitives and handcuffs and breaking the law, so I yelled, "Shut up!!" And in a very not-joking kind of way, Mark said, "No, I am serious." YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKING KIDDING ME!!! I heard him open the door before the doorbell rang, and go out the porch, closing the door behind him. I debated about just letting him take care of it, but I figured I should know what was going on so I threw on a tshirt and jeans, quickly combed my hair and went out to meet my fate.

Police Office: Hello Kim
Me: Hello
PO: How are we gonna take care of this?
Me: I went Friday and got re . . .
PO: Instated?
Me: No . . .
PO: Docekted?
ME: Yes! Re-Docketed. I have a courtdate Monday morning. But you need to know something . ..

And I told him the entire story - how the first cop never told me I had an original court date or citation, how I had the insurance card the entire time, how if I hadn't got the records check for Chance I would have never known this had ever happened, etc etc etc. He said, "He didn't give you an isntruction sheet?" Well this was the very first time I ever heard of such. I said, "NO! I have had NO instructions this entire time." He proceeded to tell me exactly what to expect in court Monday, I would have to talk with a prosecutor first and then stand before the judge, it was all alphabetical and I would be there a really long time . . .When he left, he said, "I am not here to arrest anyone on such a minor traffic violation." I replied, "Well I appreciate that." He acutally said, "Sorry to bother you." And then he left.

It wasn't until we both came back inside that I found out that might not have been the case. Mark said that this is the part of the conversation I missed while I was getting dressed:
PO: Are you Mark?
Mark: Yes
PO: Where is Kimberly?
Mark: She's in the shower. What's this about?
PO: DON'T lie to me.
Mark: If this is about the bench warrant, it's taken care of.
PO: It needs to be taken care of NOW.
And this is where I stepped onto the porch, with my obviously wet hair, having just come outof the shower.

Apparently they had caught all the other criminals that day.

Just to give a little closure to this story - Traffic court this morning was only S-Z, so I was called to meet the prosecutor very early on. (At the beginning, right after they read us all our rights, they warned us we'd probably be there till at least noon, but I left by 9:30)He asked for my registration, and for the letter from my insurance company (he had no interest in the card at all; thank GOD I went to that office Friday afternoon.) He was able to dismiss my case without me having to stand before the judge. I asked about my records check, and he said I could come back in 24 hours to get a printout that said my case was dismissed, and that I could come back to court in 60 days to have it taken off my record completely where it would never show up. I will have to go into the office at Chance tomorrow and tell this whole ridiculous story to them, so they understand I am not a FUGITIVE. (They are on fall break today.)

Here are the lessons. The obvious one is renew your tags on time. The other is throw away all your expired insurance cards. Third, CLARIFY with a police office what you are supposed to do because assuming that things are taken care of can land you in jail, or worse, send a letter to your daugther's shcool telling them you are supposed to be in jail.

UNBELIEVABLE.

Staying!

So we have had such an amazing time that we are sleeping here one more night! I can't begin to tell you the coolness of the yarn shop I found (THANK YOU Helga!) And the girls have been playing on the playground here for an hour or so. They are very happy and really want to sleep in the tent again! It rained all morning so we played cards in Ed's popup until the yarn shop opened. Chris ran an amazing 18 miles in the rain even though Ed didn't go with him! It just has been great and I am so glad we have these friends and this time together! Anyway, we will leave in the morning and be home early afternoon!
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Great Night!

Sorry for the delay-had to charge the Blackberry a bit.
Last night Jillian waited (patiently?) for marshallow roasting and then promptly said, "I want to go to sleep now." And she got in the tent and went to sleep. Seriously. She slept all night without a peep and woke up the whole campsite at 7 AM. Erin played pretend with Isabel and Sophia until 11 PM and then climbed into the tent and went to sleep. Besides the gravel tent site (?!?!) It is a fantastic place and Mark and I slept as well as to be expected. We are headed off to a hike and then check out the craft shops in Brown County. We are the luckiest people in the world.
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No faith!!

In response to Valerie's so confident comment...what is floppy is the fly, which we CHOSE to not stake because we may or may not use it, and the stakes we have left are pitiful. The tent is very stable and sturdy. Thank you very much. :) X O
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The tent is UP. Mark and I still love (and even like) each other. And the girls are SO excited! I wonder if the neighbors knew about the all evening live entertainment?! Rounds and rounds of various versions of Mary Poppins and other hits, at an *amazing* volume, for your listening pleasure. Acoustics outdoors are just what Jillian needs.
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We are here!

We are at Brown County State Park and will now attempt to set up a tent. You may never hear from me again. But you can check back soon just in case.
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Big Girl Erin

I definitely got a bit behind and I know I still need to post about Erin's birthday happenings. Between parties and having no air conditioning for a few days and doula-ing and starting kindergarten I just realized that I didn't even post on Erin's birthday 10 days ago!! Guess I am out of the running for Mom of the Year yet again this year. Damn it.

So this one will be about kindergarten and I will do more about birthday stuff this weekend. Erin started Wednesday. Up until that point if you'd asked her how she felt about that, she would've said excited, nervous and shy. She was very consistent with her answer. And it seemed pretty reasonable! My feelings were that she was completely ready, that I was going to the perfect school for her, and that I was going to miss her terribly!!

For her birthday I got her a clip on desk lamp and a small clock, both for her bed. The idea was that I could tell her what time she was supposed to turn her light off and she would be responsible for making sure the light went off at the right time. I thought she would really like this idea and she was very excited about it. The clock is actually a really small alarm clock but I never intended to use it for that. Anyway, the night before her first day of school I told her that she had to turn her light off at 8:50. She asked for her little pad of paper and crayon and she wrote that down. She then asked me what time she would be waking up. I told her 7:15, and then she wrote that down and circled it. I wasn't sure what her reasoning was, but I let it go. Sure enough when I checked on her around 8:55 her light was off and she was totally asleep. The next morning as she was eating breakfast I aked her if she looked at her clock and turned her light off at 8:50. She said, "Yep! And I checked my pad to be sure it was the right time!" She wrote it down to be sure she had the right time. Then, this morning (day two) I went in her room and quietly started saying, "Erin, time to wake up!" She immediately turned over, obviously already awake. She said , "It never said seven-one-five." I asked, "What deos it say now?" She said, "seven-one-four." I told her she could wait until it said seven-one-five and then get up. About a minute later, she showed up in the kitchen ready to eat breakfast! She's cracking me up with this clock/time thing. I hope I didn't create a monster!
We got out the door as planned and to school on time. She was fine getting out the car and off she went for the first day!! I thought I was fine but I did get a little blubbery as we pulled away. It wasn't that I didn't want her to be that old or that I was afraid she wasn't ready. It was just that I didn't want to miss anything that was going to happen for the next 12 years!! Jillian and I did a little retail therapy at Target and I recovered quickly. (But just to be sure we stopped at Half Price Books too.) Then Mimi and Grandpa distracted us a bit at Chick-Fil-A. So the day flew by and we left again at 2:30 to pick Erin up. When she got in the van she said one of her best friends from camp was in her class! It made me SO glad she spent that week at camp; she was only there for 5 days, and she may have only played with this little girl a little bit. But if it was in her mind that she had a best friend at school on the first day it was totally worth it!! Erin's never one to offer much information but she told quite a bit about her day and she was very happy to go back today. She is exauhsted when she gets home and is a little thrown off by the small amount of time she actually has at home. She can't beleive when it is already time for bath and bed. But I have a feeling that she will start to be less tired after school and have a little more playtime eventually.
I am trying to put together a slideshow of pictures so this post is photo-less. Mark's off tomorrow so maybe I will get a little time to add more in the morning.But I knew that if I didn't post something soon I was going to hear about it :) So there's something to wet your appetite.

Countdown to Kindergarten

Today was school supply shopping day! I am sure this will come as a major surprise to all of you, but this was my all-time favorite thing about starting a new school year - NEW SCHOOL SUPPLIES!! Sharp crayons, vivid markers, blank thick notebooks, school boxes whose lids were not permanently shoved into the tops ... Ahhhh, paradise! But I digress. Erin most enjoyed picking out the folders, which ended up being one horsey and one puppy. She also was very satisfied by going in order down the list and checking off each item we found. Mission accomplished! The kindergarten may commence!
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Like father like daughter

I am out with my lovely husband vacuum shopping (go ahead . . . Awww, how romantic) We need a very efficient one for all the vacuuming we'll be doing now that Erin has finally done her allergy testing. The allergist - who was SUPER nice - said that only ten percent of kids her age have allergies as severe as hers and gave us all kinds of suggestions for things we should be doing to improve her coughing and throat clearing. (I was only slightly offended when he mentioned that I should be vacuuming at least twice a week. We had only just met and he couldn't have possibly known my impeccable housekeeping habits.) Anyway, I'll spare you the list of things Erin is allergic to and let it suffice to say that if it blooms, seeds, molts or has four legs the answer is yes.
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Night Night

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Twisty twirly avenue

Here's what we're doing in Kalamazoo :)
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On the road again!

I can't believe how fast this all has gone by and how much we did in such a short time. We are leaving now (on time, thank you very much) and our ETA is probably about 10 PM. We'll keep ya posted :)
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I got up early just for you!

But I'm sure some of you have beat me here already this morning ;) Because of our surprise extended stay in Mackinac I was left without a charger for the Blackberry, so it ran out of juice yesterday morning before I could post anything. Anyway, we made it off the island without incident and were relieved that the rental car was still in the one-day parking area! We realized that if we didn't go directly to the sand dunes, we probably wouldn't get to go. So we made a bee line to Sleeping Bear National Park. Oh my did the girls love it! I couldn't believe how far they were able to climb! And I think Erin would have stayed and hiked and dud in the sand forever if she didn't need sleep! There are great pictures from there; I can't wait for you to see them.
Now begins the -blah- part of the trip. I have to reorganize and repack everything so we can drive this truck home. Dad would like to leave here by noon today, putting us home probably around 10. My guess is that we will just sleep in Dad's driveway, rather than trying to unpack the girls while they are asleep. The other alternative is to take the girls home tonight and then go back to Dad's in the morning to unpack all the stuff (the RV is due back by noon Friday) We'll just have to see how the drive goes and what is happening when we get home. I hope to upload some photos during our drive home but you might have to wait till tomorrow and see them in real life! I will, however, keep you posted on our travels and let you know our progress! See you soon :)
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And yet another adventure

It has been an AMAZING day on Mackinac Island. You would not believe the weather we had! We could not have ordered better. We got here about 9 am and took horse drawn tours all around the sites. We spent time in the butterfly conservatory and The Grand Hotel and Fort Making and eating. We finally got back to Main St. And were sweat shirt shopping when the sales clerk said, "Were you catching a ferry tonight?" When Dad answered yes, she said, "well that was the last one!" We had no idea how late it had gotten, and after checking with all three ferriers, sure enough we had missed our chance to get back to the mainland. Of all four of us adults, none of us checked to see what time the last ferry left, much less what time it was while were out shopping! When we realized our fate, it became abundantly clear that we had better start our search for a room; it is peak season here and real estate is prime. By this time it is about 9:45 and the parties are beginning. And here we are with our stroller and toddlers in tow wandering around looking for a room. I can only imagine what people were thinking! We found the first hotel and when Dad immediately came straight back out I knew it wasn't good. The same thing happened three more times and I started to wonder how warm those all-important hoodies we bought were going to keep us sleeping outside with the horses! Finally we stopped at the Chippewa, which by this time was a very happening' place. We stood across the street while Dad inquired. After several painstaking minutes, Dad emerged. A room! But wait, not just any room. The clerk was able to check the whole island's room availability and confirm there was one room left - The Honeymoom Suite at the Chippewa. After hearing our patheticness they gave Dad the room for half- price (and let me tell you, that was enough.) So here we are, the six of us. Together in the honeymoon suite. On Mackinac Island. Unbelievable!
Blackerry's dying, so I will have to post pics tomorrow. Good thing I like these people!
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WHOA I am COOL!

It is way too late for this but I just figured out how to make my blackberry a wireless modem. So now I don't have to go to coffee shops - I am in the rental van in Penny's backyard on the internet!! And I can help Pam go to school and post a few more pictures before I go to bed. So here are a few more from Lake Michigan!

battery dying . . .must go to sleep . . .more coming soon!!!

Kinda vacation, kinda not

I am loading a ton of pictures right this very minute but I don't think they are going to be done by the time this coffee shop closes in just 13 minutes!! I wanted to get the pictures off the real camera so that you could see more, but we just couldn't get here any earlier.

Today, Pam, Dad and I went to Dad's cousin's funeral while Mark and the girls hung out at Penny's and the motor home. Penny's daughter Kathy died the day before we we left. She was 54 and had multiple sclerosis for the last 30+ years. When my Dad's mom died, he was 13 years old and he went to live with Penny through high school, and Kathy became one of his siblings during this time. So it was really good that we were here. Anyway, this morning didn't feel like much of a vacation but it was really good that we were part of it all. I did keep worrying that the girls were being let down by their vacation so far but they were totally fine, of course!!

This evening, we went back to the Bay and actually spent time there playing on the shore in the sand. The girls loved it and it definitely felt like vacation then! It was a beautiful day today - all sunshine. Tomorrow we are heading out to Mackinac Island. It is about 100 miles from Traverse City (we have rented a mini-van) so we are trying to get an early start so we can catch an early ferry across Lake Michigan. We'll spend the whole day on the island, including a horse drawn carraige tour, butterfly house and other sites to see. I will post as often as possible!!

Gwen Frostic pics

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More dessert

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What we did yesterday

You should all be very proud of us because the first thing we did was get all SIX of us ready in a mobile home and attended the EARLY service at Penny's church. This means 8:30! None of us gave a thought at all to going to church while we were here, but it was clearly very important to Penny. And when something is important to Penny you do it!
Then we went to the thriving metropolis of Thompsonville, population 256. This is where Dad was born and lived until he was 13. I took those pictures with the camera so I will make that part of the story another post - it turned out to be a very interesting visit back at the farm!
Next we went to Gwen Frostic's. She was a famous artist and poet who focused on block prints of local nature (sound like someone we know??) Google her to see her work - I just love it. Pam and I have such good memories of going there as kids. Most of what you buy there is stationery and poetry books, but there is also a library and study room along with a giant room of all the printing presses in the basement. So we shopped while Mark studied. I love that place!
Late lunch was at a local tradition called The Cherry Hut. Traverse City is the cherry capitol of the world, you see, and all of northern MI is famous for cherries this time of year. The Cherry Hut has been around since 1922 and has all things cherry on the menu. Mark and I even had cherry burgers! They ground up cherries in the beef, making it 65 percent less fat. They were really yummy. But of course what you really want there is dessert. Dad and Mark went traditional with cherry pie a la mode, although they both ate it before I could get a pic! Jill shared Daddy's pie, Erin had cherry ice cream, Pam had a cherry soda and I had a cherry hot fudge brownie. A cherry good time was had by all!
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Day One

Today was a day with family - most we don't know well but all we needed to visit with. Erin and Jillian were awfully patient with getting 'their' vacation started. So this evening we drove a few minutes to Traverse Bay - one of my favorite spots. The girls are excited to go back and play a bit in the sand. Not sure what is up for tomorrow - depending on weather and other family it may include Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes! Time for shower and bed for now :)
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We made it!

So Grandpa Len is stubborn as a you-know-what and we drove until 5 AM. Yes, you read that correctly (both parts). We stopped 30 minutes from Penny's because it seemed wrong to show up on her doorstep before the sun was up. We convinced Dad to he DID need to sleep at least a little, so we stopped at a roadside park for two hours. This pic is around 7 AM when the girls woke up and we were seeing how far we had driven. When we finally pulled up the hill Penny and Chuck and daughter Denise were standing outside jumping up and down! They could see us coming from the kitchen window. Their house and land is so beautiful; pics from this phone would not do it justice. I will take a bunch more with the for real-real-real camera and post more later today!
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IMG00008.jpg

It's 11:22 PM and we are traveling I-69 N through IN. This photo is a bit blurry because this motor home could sure use some new shocks! But the girls obviously don't mind and we are all doing well. As surprising as it might be we got a slightly later start than we had intended but we are still going to try to make it to the MI border before we stop. We just have to see how long Dad stays bright eyed and bushy tailed. More tomorrow!
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Somewhere in IN getting ready for bed! Lots of pics to post already - should be able to do more in the AM. All is well!

Packing . . .and packing . . .and packing . . .

So just to catch up everyone who doesn't yet know . . .(uh, Valerie, Aunt Julie)
Dad/Grandpa Len has rented a motor home so that he, Mark, Erin Jillian and I can take a week long vacation to northern Michigan. We will be parking it at his sister Penny's house in Traverse City while we see the sites, which will include Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes, Crystal Lake, a day at Mackinac Island and I am not sure what else. We will leave Friday afternoon and return next Friday. We have found a route that, if driven straight, would take about 8 1/2 hours. And in theory, getting the motor home will allow us to drive straight through (no potty stops, eat on the road, etc.) However, a motor home gets (hold on to your environmental hats . . .) 7 miles to the gallon. Yes, that's SEVEN. So it will remain to be seen how many times we have to stop for gas on the way! Regardless it is agreed that we are up for an adventure and we are all totally excited. We can really use a stay-in-the-moment kind of vacation.

I have never taken a 3 1/2 and 5 year old on a week-long vacation. I tend to pack for a lot of 'just in case' situations anyway, even when it's just for a trip to the pool. So I am trying to be reasonable but not miss anything! It is hard to predict weather and boredom levels, and we also have to provide all bedding and kitchen provisions for the motor home. I have lists all over the house - probably not the most efficient way to use lists, but it's working so far. It's not like we're going to a deserted island . . .if we've forgotten something I'm pretty sure we can get our hands on it pretty quickly! I just want the girls to have fun.

I just figured out how to post to the blog from my new phone, including pictures! So we could be out wherever and I can post what we are doing without a computer! Like our own little reality show - Stay tuned!

Just for You Grandpa!

(oh, and you Mimi . . .and Nana too)

(and Kev, and Brian)

(and whoever else is interested)

I figured since we will be gone for an entire week, you will be needing constant updates on our whereabouts and goings on. TOO BAD!! :)

Instead, I will do my very best to post here at least daily while we are gone and let you know what we have been up to. No promises except to do my best!


Until then, I will post some pics from the St. Agnes Carnival. We went with Mark's friends from grade school, whose girls were completely excited about the ferris wheel. Erin and Jillian had never been on a ferris wheel before but I knew for sure they would both just love it. I think you know where this is going.

While we were in line, Erin begged me not to make her get on. She wasn't actually crying or pulling away. Just very very nervous. I truly believed she would love it, and I hated for her to miss out on something just because she was a little nervous. So I told her that if she really hated it she could close her eyes while we were on it, that Mommy would never put her on anything that would hurt her, that I really thought she would love it, etc. etc. etc.

Meanwhile, Mark and Jillian were in line in front of us. (Important side note: Jillian is the girl who cannot go high enough on the swings, who always wants to be upside down, spinning, or some other relatively risk-taking activity. She even used to hang upside down to drink a bottle.)


At the top of the first time around, Erin said, " I LOVE IT!!! I feel like I'm f - l - y - i - n - g!!"

Satisified, I looked back to take Mark and Jillian's picture.




Leave it to Jillian to throw me for a loop AGAIN. Cried the entire time. My poor baby.

As requested . . .

An undisclosed amount of money was paid for this exclusive photo of one Erin Tabler preparing for The Big Dance.

A totally pirated post . . .

Martha Beck, Life Coach, is a regular contributor on the Oprah Show, and O Magazine. (most of you know how I feel about Oprah - - I think she is brilliant, a visionary, and one of my heroes!) I also LOVE Martha Beck. I think she is so fascinating and smart. Whenever I read something of hers I think, "Aha! That's it!" She's a little quirky, a bit off the wall, but I love that! I am on this email list of hers, and this came through my inbox today. I decided to post it here in hopes that it might get other people hooked on her too! Just pretend that I wrote this one, okay? Thanks Martha!

Insight from Martha - The Truth about True Love
When I was 20, I got a fellowship to travel mainland China gathering folktales for my undergraduate thesis at Harvard. I was expecting the kind of stories I'd seen animated in Disney films: handsome prince and beautiful maiden overcome evil and unite in a happy-ending marriage. To my astonishment I found that this archetype is incredibly rare in Chinese folktales--they always ended with the protagonist getting rich.This was the first time I realized that my experience of romantic love was just one more set of socialized beliefs. Some of them made me very happy, and still do. The presence of a beloved companion is certainly one of the most precious things human life has to offer. But other cultural assumptions about romantic love create untold pain for my American clients. I see them in my friends, in the movies, in every TV drama from Gray's Anatomy to The Bachelor.

Here is a list of cultural assumptions that in my view bring pain instead of joy:
Myth: The right partner will make me happy.
Reality: Your happiness is no one's business but your own. As Terry DeMeo points out in our currently featured teleclass, How to Love the One You're Always With-Yourself, being loved is all about loving yourself. You have the power to embrace or reject the magic we associate with "being in love" no matter who is around or how they feel about you. Successful love relationships come from happiness not vice versa. Myth: You need your partner.Reality: Believing you need your partner turns love into craving and leaves little room for genuine love in which there is no wanting or needing whatsoever. If you think it is romantic to tell your love "I need you" try this: "I choose you and I need nothing at all from you." This may feel odd but watch your partner relax as the shackles come off.
Myth: You need to find the right mate to be complete.
Reality: You need to be complete to find your mate. If I told you to go find the mate to my favorite shoe but I never show you the shoe, how on earth could you find the mate? The biggest error I see my clients make is looking for completion in another person when what they actually need is a clear picture of the complete self that is already present at their cores. Find the essential self and identifying the mate suddenly becomes possible, even easy. No one is incomplete and if you see yourself as incomplete you will never find your mate.Our cultural view of love, our fairy tales are based on the convention of "courtly love' that originated in medieval Europe. It is a wonderful archetype but it is a poor and misguiding excuse for reality. Your real source of love-your true self-will breathe much easier when you open your mind to all possibilities. You will find that contrary to your painful beliefs you have been in Love all along.

Geez it's been awhile! It doesn't seem like it has been as long as it has been, but that is the story of my life.

We weathered the weather here very well. Our power never went out, we only lost phone and internet for about a day. I'm not sure why we were so lucky, but I am very very glad. Mark's parents were here for a few days waiting for their power to come back on and we had a lot of fun together! Of course the girls loved having them here, and I did too. They are so fantastic.

But now it is back to normal - whatever that means. And I am up to my neck in trying to make it work! I need to figure out how to dedicate certain times to each business - the preschool and my training business - and then also set aside some time each week for working out and/or yoga. This all then needs to plug in to the girls' schedules of ballet, music and school (and I think soccer is starting soon, which I am now writing myself a note to check on.) And I can't give up our time together just playing and reading and laughing - those times are actually top on the list. It just seems like there is a perfect answer on how to do this, I just need to find it. I am certainly closer than I ever have been; just not quite there yet. And as soon as I do get there, something will change, so I think my best bet is to not look for consistency but just get used to getting things done without structure!

just a little more

I have started to feel a little guilty about my last post - - I don't want to come off holier-than-thou and I am afraid I did. My issue is not only the specific examples, but the broader issue they illustrate. You can hardly go a few days without hearing how children just don't have the respect they used to have, or the attention spans they had a few decades ago. Well where in the world do children learn these things? How do children learn to have conversations? By having real, meaningful conversations. How do children learn to mitigate difficult social situations? By observing appropriate social behavior in the adults around them. How do children learn to persist at tasks, learn new vocabulary, use imagination? Believe it or not the answer is not video games. The research is so prevalent I cannot even begin to list it, and I am sure that is not what people are coming to my blog for. (If you are, let me know! I'm on it!)
I make many many mistakes every day as a parent. I never claim to be perfect or have all the answers. I hope that is not the message I sent!
Now I am putting my soapbox away (for now). . .my phone is ringing.

I'm not judging - really, I'm not

Ok - I guess really I am. But I just cannot let this go another day. I don't know if I just don't get out much and this has been going on for some time, or it is a new phenomenon. Maybe it has something to do with what people got for Christmas. But in the last few weeks I have been absolutely blown away by the number of times I have seen parents sitting at the table of a restaurant with their children (or out other places with their children) and not interacting at all with them. Can you take a wild guess what those parents are doing? They are on their Blackberry-IPhone-Smartphone-Human Substitute. When it really kills me is when the kids are also on their Nintendo DS (or whatever), so there are three or four people a a table 'together' and totally plugged in to some virtual, electronic world somewhere else. Now granted, I have no idea what these people's lives are like outside of the little window of time that I have stalked them at Chick-Fil-A or Tumbleweed. They very well could have planted a winter garden together, played family board games all afternoon and then ran out for a quick bite to eat where they spent their once-per-week electronic time. Maybe.
But for the purpose of this post I am going to go with my gut and assume that what I have observed is mostly typical behavior for the numerous families I have seen this way in the last few weeks. Here is an extreme example that illustrates my point: A family of three was waiting next to us for a table at Tumbleweed at abut 7 PM. (Our wait was about 30 minutes, they were there before us.) None of them were talking to each other. The mom was on her Blackberry about 75% of the time. The little girl got impatient and wanted to look through her mom's purse, her mom said no, and the girls started to cry. The dad angrily but quietly told her to quit crying, and just sit there. Both parents told her to dry her eyes several times. I then got a quick glimpse of the little girl, who couldn't have been more then three years old. They gave her a pacifier and then both parents got out Blackberrys and stayed on them until their table was ready.
During this scenario, another family of five walked in - mom, dad and three older kids. They sat across from us while they waited for their table, and both parents stayed on their Blackberrys the entire time we sat there. The mom did speak to one of her sons about what she was doing on the Blackberry, but the father did not speak to the rest of his family once.
Seriously I could describe at least four more similar examples in the past two weeks. What are people doing that is so important? I must really be missing something big.